Well...

I went to see my therapist yesterday and goodish news:
I'm 48.3kg = BMI 18 ! I'm clear - well not really (hopefully when we see the dietician on friday she'll let me do some exercise :/ fingers crossed) I'm not out of the woods till my periods come back really
PLEASE COME BACK NOW ! I really don't want to have to go back up again :(

I've been quite depressed lately because a few of my friends have posted pictures on fb of them in bikinis and it just makes me think - WHY CAN'T I BE LIKE THAT?

I've been beginning to think that its just impossible to be thin and healthy - for me anyway because of my body shape - I can't live with that

My therapist said that its like a massive choice in my brain and it is, its either:

Be healthy and have periods (i.e. able to have children) and be unhappy and fat

or be thin and love my body - but no periods and be quite unhealthy (maybe even die) ??

But i said its not really a choice because as much as I've tried my mum won't let me do the second option so i've just got to live with being fat- which i don't actually think I can do

I have had thoughts that if I can't be thin and how I want then I'll just be unhappy all the time, and therefore a nusence to everyone so I should just not be here at all
- No-one wants a fat child or a fat girlfriend/wife do they ?

x