:( FAT

I feel just how I used to at the moment

I hate my body
I hate my weight
I hate my face
I hate my stomach
I just hate it all !

I'm not pretty
I'm not fit/peng/trim/ whatever you want to call it --basically attractive
I'm not popular
No-one really cares !

I just have no life really :'(

Not a good mood - I must say!
I had a great last day however - but not looking forward to holiday tomorrow if I'm going to feel this shit ! (btw probs not post in this week cause i'm on holiday and I don't think we have internet)

I just feel that my stomach is bulging massively and it looks really really horrible - and it hasn't felt good in ages ! Its like when i was ill last time - but i'm not ill anymore I feel right as rain !

It's just soo big ! But there's nothing i can do about it ! WHAT DO I DO NOW? eat? NO
How can I - except I find i'm becoming more and mroe hungry now! not very good at all - i am literally eating all the time ! I can no longer stop myself I'm becoming one of those pickers (i.e. people who put on lots of unwanted weight without knowing it) - NOT GOOD !

I'm only 1.5kg under healthy - but still I don't care about weight or BMI or anything:

I CARE ABOUT MY FUCKING FIGURE! I KNOW THAT SOUNDS VAIN AND PATHETIC BELIEVE ME I FEEL LIKE A DICK BEING SO UPSET ABOUT IT - (but that's why I'm writing it in this so that people I know don't have to hear about my patheticness)

I just want to be thin (see  post: what I want to look like!) I feel like I used to - when I was really anorexic and I don't know what to do !
Cause now I feel fat when I've eaten abit, when I've eaten alot - and scarily even when I haven't eaten anything at all for ages? WTF?

HELP ME ! ? x