UUuuggghhh

Well, very busy week atm - got alot going on but we're getting there (first performance tonight and done one assessment this morning just 2 more of both to do) and i'm very excited for the weekend although slightly worried

I'm worried becuase one of my friends (who i'm hanging out with at weekend) - i consider has a perfect stomach (the one i want) and i'm having a sleepover with her and we're going to the cinema where she eats loads! And i have to eat stuff too and may not be able to take it! :S She eats like the same as me maybe even more (and i'm gaining weight !)

I have also been feeling really lousy from monday and usually my mood goes away in the morning but mine hasn't really ! :( and i don't know what to do - i feel fat most of the time and i just want it to go away - but its become less complicated:
in that i see people like my 2 thin friends and just think i want to be like that i want to be thin i don't care about anorexia ! and that is my state of mind and i do believe it ! I do feel it - slightly now in fact

I also went to clinic yesterday and i've gone up .3 meaning i'm now 47kg which is perfect for me becuase i was very worried because i didn't want to go down (like i did the 2 weeks before) but i was scared of going up and facing it - becuase i've noticed i've gained weight around my arms and legs :/ - 
so i didn't go up as much as i should've despite me eating slightly more than i should but i didn't go down
x