26 April 2011

I miss my mummy and family - I feel really alone. I looked good this morning (before breakfast) but obviously after breakfast I feel all fat and bloated again. I didn't have the toast I was meant to on my meal plan because its too difficult and I weight myself this morning and i'm 7st! thats 6 pounds in one week! Thats good obviously but I still don't rally want to get much bigger now. I want to be 7.7 I really don't want to have to go past that but they will make me go up to a BMI of 20 if i don't get my periods back : 20 !! I can't do that - i refuse to go up past 8st I'm serious! Please God let them come back before then! I've spoken to mum on msn and she says its medicin biut I'm looking in the mirror right now sitting on my bed and I'm SO ANGRY ! My spine sticks out and hurts really badly but my f****** stomach sticks out like i'm pregnant and its not supposed to! I know this because one of my best friends who I adore eats more than I do on my meal plan (which is loads) and has no stomach whatsoever ! HOW ?! I feel so disgusting and ever since i've been on this diet plan i've been feeling worse - either fatter, sick or hungry because my body isn't used to so much crappy food.