Disgusting

I'm so disgusting ! Its ridiculous i sit down and everything just clumps - maybe that happens in a normal person <<<--- emphasise on the 'normal' i.e not anorexic - but its not what I want to be !!!!!!!! Its just not ! How do i get that? I don't want to gain any weight I feel bloated and shit and fat - i was feeling horrible in pe today watching my friend who has an amazing tummy - just naturally but with a nice tummy - i can only get that when i tense its ridiculous - i had an amazing weekend why can't i stay like that? I really don't want to get fat and i need to have this stomach i want - i will not give up !