Feeling fat, fat, fat

Last night i felt quite fat and horrible around the tummy area

I've also been cheating alot this week since i found out i put on a kilo in two weeks (i know thats good and that's what i'm supposed to be doing - but i still don't really like the feel of it) i also keep cheating when my stomach feels big.

I just want this toned tummy Why is that so difficult?

I know i'm not fat and my stomach is fine ! <--- Fine i hate that word, i don't want fine - i want 'fit' 'toned' 'bloody damn gorgeous' and people get it , i've seen it (even at my age) so thats what i want to achieve !

I don't really think anyone gets that - i want them to know so after i'm a healthy weight i can try and get it

Cause they say i just need to get to a healthy weight before i can excersise and stuff which is fine - but i get the impression they're just making me put on weight till i'm at least a BMI of 18 and my periods come back but after that they'll just monitor me and let me do what i like (as long as i'm not losing it) which is where i was before!

I want someone to tell me exactly HOW i can get a toned, fit stomach and nice, slim body - i'm fed up now - 1 and 1/2 years is long enough - but i can't give up - i just can't think of any other way to get it that i haven't already tried !