If i'm fat as an anorexic what will I be like healthy?

Reading the girl's blog who I read and found that the post :

'I hate the person who stares back at me in the mirror'

I feel exactly the same way so basicly don't have much to write about atm its all there ! ^

I also hate the fact that i'll be about 18 BMI (if i put on 0.5kg a week) just in time for summer holidays which i'm freaking out about cause i'll be even bigger, and thats when i'll be fatty before i start toning - also i'll be more likely to not do exercise and to eat loads on holiday cause we're going somewhere with friends ! Shit :( I'll be all fat and horrible then i'll be really worried about putting on more weight and i just won't be able to enjoy myself - i'll be like i used to be always worried about gaining it and not eating what i want just what i feel is low calorie and healthy ! :/ Help :'(